It sounds so dramatic. It’s what happens in novels and movies. Maybe something you read in a newspaper. It doesn’t happen to you. And when it’s done in such a way they can look the police in the eye and sound perfectly innocent? Yeah, hysterical woman vs loving, caring man. You know who’s going to be believed.
So how did it happen?
Over the months, I mentioned ‘unexpected noises cause my heart to stop’, but I don’t think he really understood what I meant. Until the day he comes busting into the bedroom* and screams my name. I jump, put my hand on my heart (which had stopped beating) and said: you startled me, my heart stopped, ow!
And the look that came over his face. And Ohhh, realllly, look. Understanding.
And the next day his behavior changed. He took to leaving the bedroom door open (my computer is in the bedroom, so I’m in there a lot), and rather than his usual kick in of the door, would quietly enter the room. Every day, he’d get a little closer before he blew his cover and made a noise. With my back to the door, I wouldn’t see him coming in.
One day he managed to get right behind me without my knowing. It was his 4th attempt. He slapped his hand on my shoulder (never did that before, either) and shouted ‘I just came in to see how you’re feeling’.
But he’d misunderstood what I’d said. It was ‘unexpected noises’ that startled me. Not getting touched. When he slapped his hand on my shoulder, it was nothing. I calmly replied: I’m fine. It’s a good day.
A few days later, he tried again. Only this time, he slapped both hands on each of my shoulders. “Just came to see how you’re doing!” he shouted. “I’m fine, a bit of asthma but nothing unusual.” … totally calm, but I knew what the hell he was doing. That look on his face stayed with me. The change in his behavior.
But you know, if he’d only stuck to his normal way of entering the room, I think it would have worked.
*When entering the room, his right hand pushed down on the handle, but his fingertips stayed on the handle. His left hand, fisted, would slam into the door, sounding like it was getting kicked in. But the right hand slowed the door, so it didn’t hit the wall. He’d then scream my name, in the tone of voice men would use when finding their wives in bed with the postman. Accusing, angry, horrified. Then he’d ask something totally benign. ‘What’s for dinner’ was the usual inquiry. The sudden, unexpected sound of the door getting kicked in always caused my heart to stop. So, yeah, if he’d just kept up his usual routine, it could have worked. And he would have been innocent.
Trying to kill me by scaring me to death. Its childish plan was amusing. Seriously, I found it funny. And he did it in such a way, he could look the police in the eye and say ‘I was just asking her how she was and she just keeled over, officer.’
But this was a straight-up murder attempt.
Silent Scream 