When I lay down, the whole situation fans out in chronological order. It makes sense. It’s clear and concise. But when I get up and open this program, my brain skitters like a puppy on linoleum.
honest to god, I’m an idiot.
TL;DR. BIL has conned me again that husband is dying, when he’s not.
This post is mainly about my brother in law, and lightly touches on my partner, who is not dying and probably coming home next week some time.
He was the one telling me all of my partner’s organs were shutting down (see previous post). it was a couple of days later I called the nurses’ station. I hadn’t before because they’d taken me off next of kin previously. but they didn’t this time. The nurse said he was non verbal, but aware of his surroundings. for some stupid reason, I believed BIL.
anyway, when I asked the kids (bil’s kids) how my husband was doing, they repeated BIL stance.
but really, it was a lie. a deliberate, nasty toxic lie. Its only purpose to hurt me, because I didn’t leave the house, I didn’t visit him on his ‘death bed’. When Bil told me these lies, I didn’t go into snot nose, ugly crying, sack cloth and grief screams.
It’s just evil. mean, because I can’t fight back. he backstabs and sneers, and whispers like a snake into husband’s ear ‘she’s smoking!’ and husband treats this like it’s a new thing. husband believes nothing I say about bil, it is pointless even trying. and to top it off, I don’t backstab. I do not say nasty things about people. i would say the truth but that’s pointless as it’s not believed.
So husband called me last night and said he’s probably coming home after the weekend. totally screwed up bil line about dying any time now.
i have a hard time understanding how bil thinks. just the evil coming off him. and my husband looks up to him like he’s a saint.
well, one or two more days/weeks and they’re gone. 6 months later his effect will wear off enough for me to talk to husband without him just parroting whatever that evil, toxic little man did to his brain.
edit; I forgot to mention me, how I’m reacting. The last 3 weeks, my lungs are ‘normal’. I’ve been breathing like a normal person. no stress, no whease, no cough. it was flipping amazing. Even when talking to my ‘dying’ partner didn’t change my breathing. then, through comments partner made, I realized bil was lying to me, backstabbing me, just generally having a good time poisoning my partner against me. once I realized that, my lungs started seizing up. I am constantly doing chest relaxation breathing techniques. the knowledge of what that ass wipe is doing and harmed my health. I have also come to the realization I really, really dislike that man.
Silent Scream 