Emotionally, I’m doing better than I should be. How many times have I been told he’s dying, only to recover? And I mean that in this last episode, say, the last 3-4 months. You can’t keep flip flopping – relief, fear, relief, fear. That’s just impossible to maintain.
This time might be a little different. He is coming home, but he’s coming with palliative care nurses. At least, that’s the word right now. As always with him, it could change in 12 hours.
At first, he wanted me to visit him in the hospital, but I was like, if you’re coming home to die, why do I need to go to the hospital? So there might be a lie in there, somewhere, that I don’t know yet.
I am getting a little stressed out. It’s not about his dying, dying doesn’t scare me, it’s just part of life. But all the BS I’m going to go through afterward. I am overwhelmed with what I’m going to have to do.
Silent Scream 