Scent.
A while ago, my partner bought a sheepskin rug. He comes in and hands it to me, saying: I bought this for me to sit on the floor with, but realized I hadn’t bought anything for you lately, so I’m giving it to you.
I said thanks, but didn’t say ‘what do you feel guilty about?’ heh. I felt it, nice and thick, the skin part very soft and supple, dyed black. I smell it, to see if there’s any lingering animal smell. And choke on the chemical smell, geeze it was strong. ‘It smells like chemicals’, I say, setting it down on the chair as far from me as I can get. He looks at me blankly, as if I’d said something totally insane. Later, he borrows it, and when he brings it back, he puts it at the head of the bed. I didn’t see it for a while, but when I did, I moved it back to the chair. The bedroom smells faintly of chemicals, but it was okay with the window open. He borrows it again the next day and when he returned it, he put it on my pillow. Again, I didn’t notice it for a while and when I did, moved it back to the chair. Suspiciously, I sniffed my pillow and gag, it stank. And he does it again, the following day. And every day, when I tell him it stinks, he says nothing. He doesn’t say ‘I don’t smell anything.’ Or ‘I can smell something, too.’ Just looks at me like I’m crazy and is mute.
I’m thinking of just giving it back to him, but before I do, he say’s he’ll buy me a new one, off amazon, and keep this one for himself.
Which he does. He put the black one on his bed, sleeping on it for several days. Then one day he comes in and says; I do notice a slight smell, like kerosene. I was pretty amazed he admitted to a smell, but for me, it was overwhelming, not ‘slight’. Is my sense of smell really that acute? Is his sense of smell that poor? Or am I getting gaslit? I suspect gaslit, because there’s just no way he couldn’t smell that.
The new one arrived, this one white. First thing I do is smell it. I hand it back and say it smells, too, but it smells organic, like it wasn’t cured properly. We go through the ‘you’re crazy’ stare and he puts it on his bed, on top of the black one. When I see that, I smell the white one, and yup, it now also stinks of chemical as well as organic.
The black one is now stink-free. I haven’t used it, its in the living room. I don’t know why I’m not using it, it’s pretty nice, really. Thinking about it now, I think he noticed the stink of the black one right off and though, Oooo, this will fuck with her breathing big time. I’ll ‘give’ it to her.
Taste.
We go through this every single time he cooks a meal. He’ll add so much seasoning, it’s barely edible. He loves salt, I’ve probably mentioned this previously, adding way too much to everything. But he also goes overboard with the pepper. And red chili pepper. Now, I didn’t grow up with red pepper, so a tiny bit goes a long way with me. He puts so much in, my lips blister. One meal, he puts two full red peppers in it. Then next, after my complaint, he puts in ‘only one’. Seriously, just a tiny bit of one is as much as I can take. But jalapenos? I’m all for that. He finds them ‘hot’, so I always go easy (or put none at all) in something he’s going to eat. You can add them if you want them, yeah?
He once made taco meat – adding so much taco seasoning the meat was black. It was gross. Potatoes, really how hard can it be? He always puts in so much oil I can moisturize my hands with it. But he always implies that it’s me that’s fucked up, not his cooking. I’ve gotten to the point I don’t say anything. If it’s just totally gross, I throw it out and don’t tell him.
Edit:
I’m going to add to this one, rather than make a new page on the same subject.
Continuing taste.
We reuse water bottles in our house. Filling the empty water bottle from the tap, we put them in the fridge to be used when cold. Our water supply is heavy in limestone. There are times when I feel like my tea has so many limestone flakes, that I can crunch it. My partner is the one who refills them and puts them in the fridge.
We’ve been drinking this water for close to 20 years. So a few days ago, I was shocked to taste my water. It was totally different. My first thought was bleach. It tasted of bleach. I sipped it again, to make sure I wasn’t imagining it. Yup, bleach. Is my partner poisoning me with fucking bleach? But maybe not bleach? I go in the kitchen, empty the bottle, and refill it directly from the tap. I taste it. It’s not as strong now, but still tastes kind of like bleach.
I bring it up with my partner.
What’s that stuff, not bleach but kind of like it, that’s put into water? He says ‘chlorine’, and I’m yeah, that’s it. Our water tastes like chlorine now. You should taste it.
He says; no, I believe you. Your taste is better than mine.
I don’t know how anyone couldn’t taste this. It smacks you in the face. I’m thinking I want to call our water supplier and ask them what’s going on. (I’m wondering if chlorine dissolves limestone? Would they put it in to do that, and improve their water quality?)
Two days later, the water tastes normal again. For sure, my dear husband didn’t add something to the water, it must have been an accident by the water company. But it just goes to show you my mental state, that the first thing I think of is I’m being poisoned with bleach.
Silent Scream 